Although our family physically lived thousands of miles away from us, we were expected to follow certain societal norms when it came to parenting. Breaking free from those patterns was not easy. It called for enormous courage.
We were raised in a world of “musts" and "shoulds"; Parenting had to be done in a certain way, the way it had been done for hundreds of years.
To go away from that pattern involved too many “what ifs.” It was an act of bravery. It was not as simple as it looked.
We were no longer living in a world where we were raised. Things were different here and even here they were changing daily. When it came to raising our children, we were united, we were going to do our thing. We did not necessarily follow any pattern or traditions when it came to raising our children but the expectations of following those traditions, culture and two different religions weighed heavily on us.
I was courageous to break some of those patterns, but when it came to self-care, I was not courageous to say," Me first." It seemed like an act of selfishness. Not at first, but later on when the children were a few years older, my husband started pursuing some of his interests, but I did not allow myself any indulgences, I was the default parent, I had to be available 24x7.
In the end, unwittingly, I had fallen a prey to my own upbringing and the pattern which had been established by my mom and I did what she did, I put everyone else’s needs before mine.
And that is one of the things I am unlearning, prioritizing
my self-care and wellbeing. It has meant setting some not so pleasant
boundaries for others but oh well, they shall live.
So, to all the parents out there struggling to break free
from the patterns of the past, I say this, go for it. You no longer live in
that or their world. Break those patterns. Be brave, be bold.
“May you have the courage to break patterns that no longer
serve you. Taking care of yourself does not mean Me first. It means Me too.”
-Becoming unbusy
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