Rekha's Ramblings

I don’t know what triggered the Facebook algorithm, but I notice that many of my followers are authors, and for some reason, a lot of you are from the UK , some are from Canada, Nigeria, Sweden, a few from the USA and only one from India. Forget being accomplished, I don’t even consider myself in the writer category; I blog every now and then and I feel extremely honored to be in the company of all of you authors, poets. Anyways, here is the reason for this blogging, ramblings. My daughter recently told me that one famous author who happens to be one of my favorites; was holding a charitable auction for names for characters in his upcoming novel. Pardon my ignorance, but that was the first time I ever heard of such a thing. Hmm.!!! My first reaction, “I would love for my name to be one of his characters even if it means she is convicted of a crime.” (This particular author writes crime thrillers and courtroom dramas). But then he would have to change his plot or storyline to reflect so...

It’s almost back-to-college season. For some of you, this might be your first time dropping off a child. Amid the excitement and nerves, here’s a reality we can’t ignore: " ALCOHOL " -  it will likely be part of their new world—whether we like it or not. Even if we, as parents, choose not to drink and believe we’re setting a good example, there’s no guarantee our children will follow suit. Your child may not be a drinker, but peer pressure, the need to fit in, or the desire to look “cool” can sway even the most well-behaved kids. They may have grown up seeing you as their role model, but now they’re surrounded by peers—many of whom might be drinking—and it’s hard to hold the line. It is quite easy to succumb to peer pressure.  Alcohol poisoning is real, dangerous, and more common than most of us think. It can affect anyone—any age, background, or family environment. Recently, someone we know and love almost lost their life because of it. In this recent incident, the absence o...

  It's National Selfie Day today. I call myself the "selfie Queen". I was taking selfies back in the days even before the word "selfie" was coined, not on the phone but with a regular camera. I was an exhausted mom, of twins, there would nobody be around to take a picture of me with them. I have no pictures of me as a baby or growing up, of me or pictures of me with my parents/ siblings and I wanted to make sure that my children had plenty of those. There were times when I was tired, sad , angry, frustrated, feelings of hopelessness, at home with them, sitting on the sofa, crying, all of us. There was a TV in front of the sofa I could see our reflections on the TV screen; looking at their innocent faces on that screen would melt me, spark happiness inside of me. That's when it occurred to me. I wanted to catch those moments, happy, sad moments, when I was ready to give up but I didn't. I had found my happiness, through these selfies. I so very loved tho...

  Day 23, figuring it out.  Not all days were happy days. There were failures, there were heart breaks, FOMO’s.  The children have suffered several personal losses in recent years, loss of friends in fatal accidents, death by suicide, gun violence. They had to learn how to be there for each other, for their friends, and be resilient.  Some losses were personal. Having to lose your friend of 10 years just before he hit his sixteenth birthday, outside of your school, how does one get over that? But they had to. How do you console a friend who lost a loved one to suicide? They had to figure that one out.   They also had to figure out that when it came to friendship, no one was too busy, it was just a matter of priority. As parents, it is heartbreaking to watch them suffer but it is their journey. All we can do is offer our unconditional love and support through this. But I do find myself telling them to not ever sacrifice their happiness for others, not even f...

Day 22, mistakes .  As a parent, one of the most valuable lessons I've tried my best to teach my children is the importance of owning up to mistakes. I've always believed that no one is perfect and it’s okay to mess up. After all, we're only human, and making mistakes is how one learns. But what truly matters is what we do after we make those mistakes. Do we blame others, completely deny that we messed up or are we courageous enough to own the mistake and apologize for them. Sorry is a five-letter word but saying it takes courage, it does not come easy. But I also found myself telling them that they need not apologize for things beyond their control. Shit happens all the time. Accept that life is unpredictable and learn to adapt, change, learn. At the end of it all, it is not about pretending but rather embracing the fact that we are not perfect. " When you look back at your life, don't think about all the mistakes you have made. Just look at how far you ha...

 Day 18 , Values. As I reflect back on my journey of motherhood, I cannot but think of my parents, two of the kindest souls I know. Though they were physically thousands of miles apart, I felt their presence daily in the values I was teaching my children. Growing up, they often used to tell us, "In a world where you can be anything, be kind. No acts of kindness are ever wasted."  I hope we practiced the same and the children saw us being kind to people around us.  But in pursuit of being great parents, we had forgotten  to extend the same courtesy to each other, as parents of our children. We were not kind to ourselves. We were racing to the finish line. The children did not see us being kind to each other.  Sadly, it took a global pandemic for us to reflect and value our priorities.   As horrible as the pandemic was, it allowed us to pause and regroup. It allowed us to not only be kind to each other but others around us. Amidst the chaos, we found a n...

Day 17, legacy.  One of the greatest inheritances I have received from my father is his love for reading and I wanted to pass it along to my children.  Studies have shown that reading for as little as 6 minutes can reduce stress by 68 %. But I did not need any studies to prove those facts. Reading has always been my solace.  As a child, I always had my head buried in a book. Reading was not just a hobby, books were my sanctuary, my imaginary getaways, they took me to places beyond my imagination.  However, nobody read to me as a child. It was not something parents did when and where I lived at the time.  After I became a parent for the first time, I wanted to read to my child.  I grew up in India and the books I had read were in my native language. They were not available at our local library. But the library had its own children’s book section. I discovered all kinds of children’s books and different authors there, Dr Suess and Eric Carl being a few of the...

Day 16 - Little things.  Over the years, when the world kept throwing chaos at us, I found myself teaching the children to Learn to appreciate little things, be it the beauty of flowers, the escape in a good book, a simple walk in the neighborhood or the comfort of a familiar TV show.  Finding joy in simple and little things!! My 2 year old niece recently visited me, she had this soft toy named "Toodle" which she carried around everywhere, her little thing.  My little thing always has been reading, that is my solace. I enjoyed reading to my children when they were little, that was our thing. As they grew older, our shared moments evolved. We found a certain fascination for the TV show, “The West Wing.” Every now and then, when we are unable to decide on what to watch, we go back and watch our favorite episode, ‘the celestial navigation.' And as much as I treasure our little things, I am equally happy to see my children find their own little things that bring them happi...

Day 15, Thanksgiving and gratitude.  We do not celebrate any holidays except for Thanksgiving, and it is for one thing only, to reflect on the blessings and to express gratitude.  One must be grateful to know that we have enough, there is always someone worse than we are. And we are grateful for everything.  While our journey has had more ups than downs, we know that those "ups" did not happen by themselves. Along the way, we were supported by neighbors, colleagues, friends, and sometimes even strangers who have extended a helping hand when we needed it most. Thanksgiving gives us that opportunity to feel grateful and to acknowledge the countless individuals who have played a role in shaping our journey. And mind you, Thanksgiving is not about food (if you read my earlier post about cooking, you will know that I do not like cooking) but I do my best to put the American style food on the table.  Here is that link in case you missed it earlier.  https://www.rekh...

Day 11, ask and you shall receive.  Another one of the things I often repeated to my children was to never give up without a fight. Here I would like to quote one of my favorite TV characters, Harvey Specter; he said, "when you are backed against a wall, you break that goddamn thing down.”  Just reading these words, they might appear as a one liner but such a powerful message hidden in this one line. You just don't stand there and go down. You give it all you got, you break that wall if you need to, you ask for help but you never give up without giving your best.  As a mother of three children,  when I was pushed against the proverbial wall, I sought help from neighbors, colleagues and I have firsthand witnessed the power of asking for and then receiving that help. So, to answer the question often posed to me, do I have a favorite quote? Yes, I do. "Ask and you shall receive." It is a reminder to never underestimate the power of persistence, to never give up withou...

  Day 10, the dialogue .  Warning - Sensitive content, trigger alert.   In the era of smart phones, having communications skills has become important even if it is in the form of a simple text. I have always encouraged them to check on others. It became even more important during the pandemic when we were socially isolated .   I know several people who have died by suicide, and I have made it my mission to talk about it, if I can help save at least one life. Not too long ago, a friend of children's was going through a rough patch, she had suffered a great personal loss. I had to ask the children to check on her, invite her home, offer help, be there. They did. They later confided in me that their kindness had saved their friend’s life. They had first hand witnessed the power of communication.  I am very vocal when it comes to talking about suicide, death in general. In our culture, talking about death or dying is a taboo. My husband and I are health care pr...

  Day 9, be teachable.  “ Be teachable, you are not always right .” I do not know who said this, but I lived by this mantra. Nobody is perfect and neither was I.   We are first generation immigrant parents. We did not go to school here in the US and hence had to learn a lot of things for the first time as adults when our first born started going to school.  There was no Google at our fingertips then. One had to ask and have an actual conversation with real people. I found no shame in admitting to the things I did not know and finding out the answers. To give you an example, we did not know anything about how high school curriculum worked here in the US, school sports, after school activities, marching band.  Before I knew it, I had completely immersed myself in understanding the education system and all the things that came with it and soon I was handling everything like a pro. I had become  so  well versed in the nuances of the marching band seas...

  As a mom and the default parent, I often used to find myself going into the guilt rabbit hole, wondering if I had done enough, if I could have done better. For years, I found myself entangled in those thoughts of “ could haves and should haves .” I would go down that spiral of self-criticism, how my mistakes had impacted on them, how I had failed on so many levels; it was never ending. But as time went on, I began to realize something, despite all the should haves' and could haves', my children had thrived. They are healthy, all three of them pursuing higher education, and most importantly, they are kind-hearted individuals who care about the environment and everyone in it. Very recently, it dawned on me that perhaps, just perhaps, I had done a better job than I gave myself credit for. For so long, I had held onto this idea that I was falling short as a mother, a parent and that I had not done enough. But contrary to my belief, I could not have done a better job. Now,...

  When I became a mother for the first time, I used to work full time; and as a mother, I was torn with feelings of guilt, that I was not giving my child the time he deserved.  I could not quit my job as I was the only so-called “bread winner.”  We followed our parenting book. We played hours and hours of classical music to him, we sang nursery rhymes, we spoke to him in all three languages we know, and I read to him a lot. We did a lot of things by that book. We were classic first-time parents. Our world revolved around him, and we loved every minute of being parents. And that is where we failed.  We never took a break, never did anything just for ourselves. I had set impossibly high standards for myself, believing that being constantly available meant good parenting.  When we became parents for the second time, I was the only parent available to my children due to my husband’s demanding work hours and it took a toll on my mental and physical health. I was burn...

This year, I am celebrating 25 years of being a mom, mommy. I started looking back at the journey, sort of reflecting on how I got here. And some of the things I discovered while looking back were pleasant , some not so.  There were so many expectations of me, as a mother, from me and from others; some I met, some I could not or did not want to. There are some things I would keep the same and some I would change if I could. At the end of the day though, it was a good journey, I love my three children who have had a hand in making me a better, a more informed person if you will than I used to be.  The teachings were mutual; I may have taught them a few things, but I have learnt a great deal from them as well. Anyways, these are my ramblings spread over next 25 days, my own way of a celebrating my milestone. This is not about offering advice, rather about sharing stories, as a mom, as an immigrant first generation mom.  Disclaimer – My husband was very much a part of our ch...

Now that I am focusing on rediscovering myself and writing is something I always wanted to do, I went to our local library last week to attend a writer’s support group meeting, to see if that’s something I could do. It is an informal group for anyone who wishes to write, aspiring writers of all ages and genres. It was my first time going there. So, they asked me what do I usually write about and or what do I want to write about and why. I said I usually write about whatever comes to my mind, I call them my "ramblings".   They are in a blog form and mostly about my journey, as a mom, a parent. My husband and I were old enough to be parents, but we had no external support, our families lived thousands of miles away and I often felt overwhelmed. I wished I had someone to talk to; fellow moms, someone who was going through what I was going through, the rollercoaster of emotions, the good, the bad, the ugly.   Back then, these feelings were not talked about, there was a cert...

 When you are going to be a parent for the first time, you are excited, nervous, anxious; whirlwind of emotions, all at the same time; if the baby will be healthy, whether you will be good parents. There are constant self-doubts, worrying. Then the baby arrives, he turns your world UPSIDE DOWN, in a good way. Now, he is your WORLD. Your life revolves around him; nurturing, nourishing this tiny human being. His safety, the sleepless nights and all the things which come with the newborn. You are in a constant SELF DOUBT mode. Somehow you figure it out, it is going well, you have got this. The baby is healthy, he starts walking, talking on time and eventually starts going to preschool but now the baby realizes that the only people he has are his parents. Besides parents, the baby has no family, no grandparents, no extended family. We are first generation immigrants and our families lived thousands of miles away. Baby does not understand this and starts asking for a brother or a ...