Celebrating 25 years of motherhood, Day 2- Pause

When I became a mother for the first time, I used to work full time; and as a mother, I was torn with feelings of guilt, that I was not giving my child the time he deserved.

I could not quit my job as I was the only so-called “bread winner.”

We followed our parenting book. We played hours and hours of classical music to him, we sang nursery rhymes, we spoke to him in all three languages we know, and I read to him a lot. We did a lot of things by that book. We were classic first-time parents. Our world revolved around him, and we loved every minute of being parents. And that is where we failed.

We never took a break, never did anything just for ourselves. I had set impossibly high standards for myself, believing that being constantly available meant good parenting.

When we became parents for the second time, I was the only parent available to my children due to my husband’s demanding work hours and it took a toll on my mental and physical health. I was burnt out. My back constantly hurt from carrying the twins and then taking care of them by myself. I got by with very little sleep.

I was not shy to ask for help but there was nobody there. Occasionally, a colleague or a neighbor helped, but I did not have a support group, a village.

The point of sharing this story is how I had set myself up for failure, for not allowing myself that pause. I did not know how to take a break. Napping was for the weak is what I told myself and then to them. I never took a nap. My mindset was to always keep them busy, engaged, intellectually stimulated. We were not busy running around, but they had to be doing something. The children never learnt to take a break; they do not know how to take a nap.

I owed them an apology and did apologize. As a parent and role model, I had failed when it came to taking care of my mental and physical health.

So, to all the moms out there, I urge you to let go of that guilt and embrace the pause. Take that nap, ask for help, indulge in a moment of “doing nothing.” In doing so, you are not only taking care of yourself but also setting a powerful example for the next generation. It is perfectly ok to allow yourself that break. I know it has been said repeatedly but one couldn't say it enough.

“Being a mother is learning about strength you didn’t know you had and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” – Linda Wooten.

Here is a link to day 1 in case you missed it. https://www.rekhasrambling.com/2024/04/celebrating-25-years-of-motherhood-day-1.html

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