Rekha's Ramblings

Was My Childhood Really Better? Over Christmas break, I was talking to my daughter about my childhood. Like many parents, I found myself saying what we often say: “ Our childhood was better. We didn’t have much, but we were content.” She listened. Then she gently asked, “ Maybe for you, Mom. But what about others in your society? Did they have the freedom to express themselves?” Her question stayed with me. I grew up in a tiny village outside Mumbai in the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s. We didn’t have much by today’s standards. No television. No refrigerator. Not even 24/7 electricity. We ate mostly what we grew—rice, vegetables, fruit. I breathed clean air. I walked freely through fields and dusty roads without fear. I was surrounded by an abundance of greenery, nature. And I don't have any pictures from my childhood.  But the truth is— I was privileged. Not in the way one would think, no , not money or wealth. My first privilege was my parents. They were loving, present, and dete...

It’s almost back-to-college season. For some of you, this might be your first time dropping off a child. Amid the excitement and nerves, here’s a reality we can’t ignore: " ALCOHOL " -  it will likely be part of their new world—whether we like it or not. Even if we, as parents, choose not to drink and believe we’re setting a good example, there’s no guarantee our children will follow suit. Your child may not be a drinker, but peer pressure, the need to fit in, or the desire to look “cool” can sway even the most well-behaved kids. They may have grown up seeing you as their role model, but now they’re surrounded by peers—many of whom might be drinking—and it’s hard to hold the line. It is quite easy to succumb to peer pressure.  Alcohol poisoning is real, dangerous, and more common than most of us think. It can affect anyone—any age, background, or family environment. Recently, someone we know and love almost lost their life because of it. In this recent incident, the absence o...

They said, work hard, go after your dreams. You worked hard and went after your dreams. They say there is a price to pay for everything. Nothing comes for free. So now you have paid the price. You worked hard, you gave your time, you worked hard to fulfill your dreams. They said you can't have everything. So now you have a fulfilled dream, but it has cost you time, the time away from your family. They say there is nothing like spending time with your family. You do just that but now you have no money. Then there are those who were doomed by their circumstances, by where they were born, the color of their skin. It didn't matter how hard they worked. They could have nothing. Their fate was decided by geopolitics, their race. They had no chance. Some will spend their entire lives in refugee camps. The moral of the "they say", "you need to give up something to get something, you can't have it all" is a bunch of BS. I haven't figured...

  Yesterday I came across a post by one of my Facebook friends, ‘Vibrantly you growth and leadership’ asking their readers, “how often do you take time to truly reflect on your journey?”   It took me back to a blog I had written almost a decade ago, in my forties and how I have changed over the years. I have always loved to reflect, to ponder, about things, geo political events, people, where we are going as humans. I am always reflecting when I am driving, when I am sitting in the parking lot or even when I am home. My personality back then was that I usually blurted things out, good or bad, no filter. While I was reading my own thoughts which I wrote in my forties, I came to a realization, I am no longer that person, the person who struggled but tried her best to fit in.  I grew up in a household with an abundance of love, where I was seen and heard, where I was allowed to have an opinion and voice. But when I was thrown out in the real world, in a foreign land, by ...

 When my children were in school, we always went somewhere during their summer break. We would look forward to that trip all year, that getaway, spending quality time as family.  It had become our tradition.  In 2019 summer, we had planned to go to Banff national park in Canada. They said it was one of the most beautiful places on Earth. To those of you who do not know me, I live in the US now but grew up in India and my family lives in India. I used to call my mom almost daily, if not every other day. Since I lived thousands of miles away, that was the least I could do. Since we were going to Canada and the phone network might be spotty, I called her the night before to tell her about our travel plans and to not to wait for my calls for the next eight days. She did not answer the phone, instead my sister did. She said mom had fallen and broken her leg that morning and she was in tremendous pain and in the hospital. My heart sank. My mom had suffered from Rheumatoid A...

 Day 25- Unconditional Love. I cannot believe I have been a mom for 25 years.  In retrospect, they went by quickly. At the time, they would not grow fast enough.  At the end of it all, there were more ups than there were downs.  Sure, I lost it many times, I said harsh words, and I wanted to flee from it all but I stayed.  I couldn't hold all three of them at the same time, one child always got left out. My arms were not big and long enough. No way I was a perfect mom, I strived to be one, I felt guilty, I doubted myself.  I made mistakes, I apologized, I hugged them, I cried with them, and I stayed. I was always present.  They knew they could count on my being there, for the good, the bad and the ugly. I gave them my 100 percent.  Both my husband and I grew up in a culture where the parents always sacrificed their happiness for their children, we saw our parents do it and we did the same. The two of us never did anything for ourselves, it was alw...

  Day 24, siblings.  I am blessed for I have three siblings who are my best friends.  As a parent, that is what one wishes, that their children will always have a good relationship with each other, that they will have the best sibling bond.  Please read my post in case you missed it .  https://www.rekhasrambling.com/2024/03/international-day-of-happiness.html They see me talking to my siblings 3-4 times a week in three different time zones and hope that they too will be each other’s best friends.  Often, I find myself telling them that they need not look too far to find friends, they have ready-made friends at home. My siblings are one of my biggest blessings and I hope that my children too will consider each other their best friends and will always be there for each other. “ sibling relationships are strange. I would give you a kidney but you aren’t borrowing my charger.” - unknown

Day 22, mistakes .  As a parent, one of the most valuable lessons I've tried my best to teach my children is the importance of owning up to mistakes. I've always believed that no one is perfect and it’s okay to mess up. After all, we're only human, and making mistakes is how one learns. But what truly matters is what we do after we make those mistakes. Do we blame others, completely deny that we messed up or are we courageous enough to own the mistake and apologize for them. Sorry is a five-letter word but saying it takes courage, it does not come easy. But I also found myself telling them that they need not apologize for things beyond their control. Shit happens all the time. Accept that life is unpredictable and learn to adapt, change, learn. At the end of it all, it is not about pretending but rather embracing the fact that we are not perfect. " When you look back at your life, don't think about all the mistakes you have made. Just look at how far you ha...

Day 21, friendship.  One of the most complicated things about parenting is being there for your children navigating the complexities of their lives, finding friends. That is one of the things I have struggled with, I still do. My siblings were and are my best friends . However we live in three different times zones and thousands of miles away from each other. Finding other friends did not come easy; I did not fit any molds. I often felt like an outsider at social events. But  now I do have a small circle.  When it came to finding friends, I had to tell them to choose quality not quantity. There is a lot of give and take, it does not work one way. I had to tell this to myself before I was teaching them. Friendship is an investment, you must try, you must be there just like you want them to be there. It is not about keeping score.  It is  about being there, in good times and bad. All of us are still learning, it is a work in progress. So, to anyone out there who...

Day 20, safety. This year and today marks 25 th anniversary of the columbine high school shooting.  My first born was only a few days old when we saw the drama unfold on TV. My dad was visiting us at the time. That was the first time he had heard of mass school shootings.  As new parents, we were afraid, we could not see that far into the future. But we were hopeful. This is the United States of America, the number one country in the world. How can this be? It is just one time thing.   But alas! We were wrong. They kept happening. Each time they were given a name, everyone talked about them until it was the next one. Each time you held your children tight close to your heart.   Nothing has changed. This is one thing that has caused me many sleepless nights and continues to do so. My first born is twenty-five years old. We now live in the times where moms of dark-skinned boys have to a have a talk with their sons before they leave the house. My children are...

Day 19 , Music  We did not grow up here in the US and wanted to make sure that the children had the opportunity to try different things we did not have access to or the resources when we were growing up.  After having decided sports were not going to be our thing, we turned towards music. All three of our children took an instant liking to the piano and they learnt a few other instruments through the school band program.  As a matter of fact, playing on the piano is their stress buster. When they are home, they spend hours playing on the piano and I never get tired of hearing them. They feel the house with music. That is one of the things we did right. It brings me enormous joy and the thing I miss the most after becoming empty nesters.   All three of my children were in school band for all four years and the younger ones have continued at their university. We couldn't be any more proud.  What about you? Are you a sports family or a music? Dear music, thank...

Day 12-  self help. One thing I am currently working on; I was crippled with the disease of punctuality ; showing up on time, sometimes before. I call it a "disease" because that is what it was, it had completely overtaken my sanity. Being late was unacceptable. I took pride in showing up on time, sometimes even before and I expected nothing less from my children.   Neither I nor my children have ever been late for anything. They never missed the school bus because they were late. I often dragged them to parties or social events where we would be the only ones present for hours before anyone else appeared.  It was during these moments of waiting, of feeling out of place and overwhelmed, that I began to question the importance I placed on punctuality, the stress and anxiety that accompanied my relentless pursuit of perfection. What I once considered a gift ended up being a flaw. Getting three children ready and reaching a social event on time was totally not worth the an...

Day 11, ask and you shall receive.  Another one of the things I often repeated to my children was to never give up without a fight. Here I would like to quote one of my favorite TV characters, Harvey Specter; he said, "when you are backed against a wall, you break that goddamn thing down.”  Just reading these words, they might appear as a one liner but such a powerful message hidden in this one line. You just don't stand there and go down. You give it all you got, you break that wall if you need to, you ask for help but you never give up without giving your best.  As a mother of three children,  when I was pushed against the proverbial wall, I sought help from neighbors, colleagues and I have firsthand witnessed the power of asking for and then receiving that help. So, to answer the question often posed to me, do I have a favorite quote? Yes, I do. "Ask and you shall receive." It is a reminder to never underestimate the power of persistence, to never give up withou...

 Day 7 of celebrating motherhood.  It is ok to say NO if you do not want to do it. I hope the children saw me, heard me say NO. Both my husband and I were brought up in a culture where sacrifice was considered noble, a virtue. Saying "NO" to parents, family meant you were being selfish. The culture dictated to put everyone else’s happiness before yours. You sacrificed to avoid hurting others' feelings.  Culturally, as a daughter-in-law, I was expected to follow patterns, traditions, rituals whether my heart was in it or not, whether I enjoyed doing those things or performing those duties or not. There were a few times when I did follow a few things for the sake of and for the happiness of others as my duty, for parents, in-laws but it never brought me any happiness and it caused me more anguish. It was clear that sacrificing my own happiness merely for the sake of tradition or cultural norms was futile, it was neither making me happy nor them.   Finally, decided to...

  As a mom and the default parent, I often used to find myself going into the guilt rabbit hole, wondering if I had done enough, if I could have done better. For years, I found myself entangled in those thoughts of “ could haves and should haves .” I would go down that spiral of self-criticism, how my mistakes had impacted on them, how I had failed on so many levels; it was never ending. But as time went on, I began to realize something, despite all the should haves' and could haves', my children had thrived. They are healthy, all three of them pursuing higher education, and most importantly, they are kind-hearted individuals who care about the environment and everyone in it. Very recently, it dawned on me that perhaps, just perhaps, I had done a better job than I gave myself credit for. For so long, I had held onto this idea that I was falling short as a mother, a parent and that I had not done enough. But contrary to my belief, I could not have done a better job. Now,...

Now that I am focusing on rediscovering myself and writing is something I always wanted to do, I went to our local library last week to attend a writer’s support group meeting, to see if that’s something I could do. It is an informal group for anyone who wishes to write, aspiring writers of all ages and genres. It was my first time going there. So, they asked me what do I usually write about and or what do I want to write about and why. I said I usually write about whatever comes to my mind, I call them my "ramblings".   They are in a blog form and mostly about my journey, as a mom, a parent. My husband and I were old enough to be parents, but we had no external support, our families lived thousands of miles away and I often felt overwhelmed. I wished I had someone to talk to; fellow moms, someone who was going through what I was going through, the rollercoaster of emotions, the good, the bad, the ugly.   Back then, these feelings were not talked about, there was a cert...

  Today is international day of happiness! What makes you happy? What do you do in order to be happy?? Happiness comes in many different shapes and forms. For years, my loved ones told me I could never be happy, I had high expectations of me and them. They told me to be happy with what I had, there was someone always in a worst situation than I was. They never realized that there were simple things they could do that would make me very happy. But then again, I was expecting it from them. So, I changed that expectation. It was easier said than done. The irony is that it was the lockdown that helped me change my perspective. I realized that It was the simple things that made me happy, that brought a smile to my face. A simple walk in the neighborhood, admiring whatever was growing at the time, made me happy. And above all, spending time with my family made me happy. While I busy chasing happiness in different things and places, it had been staring in my face this whole time. I just ...

 When you are going to be a parent for the first time, you are excited, nervous, anxious; whirlwind of emotions, all at the same time; if the baby will be healthy, whether you will be good parents. There are constant self-doubts, worrying. Then the baby arrives, he turns your world UPSIDE DOWN, in a good way. Now, he is your WORLD. Your life revolves around him; nurturing, nourishing this tiny human being. His safety, the sleepless nights and all the things which come with the newborn. You are in a constant SELF DOUBT mode. Somehow you figure it out, it is going well, you have got this. The baby is healthy, he starts walking, talking on time and eventually starts going to preschool but now the baby realizes that the only people he has are his parents. Besides parents, the baby has no family, no grandparents, no extended family. We are first generation immigrants and our families lived thousands of miles away. Baby does not understand this and starts asking for a brother or a ...

  This year marks the 30 th anniversary of me graduating from college, as an Occupational Therapist. This year will also be the year when I let my professional license go.  It broke my heart, but my heart was also not in it anymore.  I grew up in a household where getting a degree was not negotiable, whether you were a son or a daughter. My mother was a homemaker while my father was a working father.  There were several women in my extending family who worked full time, but they had help at home, in the forms of their mother-in law, their moms, or someone in their extended family.  We moved to the USA because of my job. There would be no external support when the time came to raise the children. We had not thought that far out.  Surely, I knew a few working moms but nobody was in the same situation I was, three children, two of them twins and a husband who would barely be there due to work conflict and there was no village for me to rely on.  It would...