This year, I am celebrating 25 years of being a mom, mommy. I started looking back at the journey, sort of reflecting on how I got here. And some of the things I discovered while looking back were pleasant , some not so.
There were so many expectations of me, as a mother, from me and from others; some I met, some I could not or did not want to. There are some things I would keep the same and some I would change if I could. At the end of the day though, it was a good journey, I love my three children who have had a hand in making me a better, a more informed person if you will than I used to be.
The teachings were mutual; I may have taught them a few things, but I have learnt a great deal from them as well. Anyways, these are my ramblings spread over next 25 days, my own way of a celebrating my milestone. This is not about offering advice, rather about sharing stories, as a mom, as an immigrant first generation mom.
Disclaimer – My husband was very much a part of our children's upbringing but since I am writing about my journey as a mother, you will read a lot more about motherhood.
Day 1. When I became a mother for the first time, I wanted to be a mom. It is a different story that we were utterly clueless as to what being a parent entailed. We thought we were ready. As first-time parents, we were completely engrossed in our new bundle of joy. He changed our world.
We were parents now, there was no going back. We had a book; an actual book about parenting and we were going to follow that book. We were going to raise our son by the book. Please do not ask me the name, it is probably saved somewhere on some shelf lest I might need it again.
But that is not the point. The point is you could be ready and not be ready. To be a parent was my choice, our choice. I wanted to be a mom and enjoyed being one.
It, however, is about those who did not want to be one and yet had no choice. Culturally, it was ingrained in our brains; firstly one had to get married, then one had to have a child or many children. There were very few women who did not want to be a mom or were not ready to a parent; they were shamed, they were judged. In fact, it was not something you said it out loud. How can one not want to have a child? They had no freedom to choose.
A few years ago, I met someone who told me stories about her childhood, about her mom who was always angry and physically, verbally abusive to her because she never wanted a child.
So, this is about those women who find themselves stuck, the unlearning that we need to work on, not everyone is meant to be a parent or wants to be parent.
This is about thousands of women who are forced daily into motherhood. These are tough times for women in the US, they don't have reproductive rights.
As for me, I am happy being a mom but I have also had my share of "not so happy" after becoming a mom for the second time even though it was my choice. If you want to learn more about it, please read my blog post https://www.rekhasrambling.com/2024/03/international-day-of-happiness.html
“Motherhood is a choice you make every day, to put someone
else’s happiness and wellbeing ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to
do the right thing even when you are not sure what the right thing is… and to
forgive yourself over and over again, for doing everything wrong.”-Donna Ball.
Pictured here is my first born and I.
Comments