Celebrating 25 years of motherhood, day 12- self help.

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Day 12-  self help.

One thing I am currently working on; I was crippled with the disease of punctuality; showing up on time, sometimes before. I call it a "disease" because that is what it was, it had completely overtaken my sanity. Being late was unacceptable. I took pride in showing up on time, sometimes even before and I expected nothing less from my children.

 Neither I nor my children have ever been late for anything. They never missed the school bus because they were late. I often dragged them to parties or social events where we would be the only ones present for hours before anyone else appeared.

 It was during these moments of waiting, of feeling out of place and overwhelmed, that I began to question the importance I placed on punctuality, the stress and anxiety that accompanied my relentless pursuit of perfection. What I once considered a gift ended up being a flaw. Getting three children ready and reaching a social event on time was totally not worth the anxiety and the anger I was putting myself and the family through. Realized it a little late but working on it.  

There were times when the children were overwhelmed. I found myself telling them to pause, to take a deep breath, one foot in front of another. When they started driving, I found myself telling them, do not be in a hurry, plan ahead, but just  take a deep breath if  things did not go as planned.

 Of course, I did not practice any of those things, it was easier to preach. I was a hypocrite. But I am slowly unlearning my behavior. I have started setting some some really short, simple daily goals for myself, focusing on what I can achieve rather than dwelling on what I can not. It will all be ok. I am learning to forgive myself for my past hypocrisy and striving to let go of the things beyond my control. 

My mental health has become my priority, and I am unlearning old habits and accepting new ways of thinking. It is ok to be imperfect, the world will still go on. It's a work in progress.

What about you? Do you suffer from any such habits which were once your pride but have now become a cause of distress?




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