Day 8, letting go of traditions.
Husband and I grew up in different parts of India and cutting cakes, birthday parties was not our tradition. We never had any birthday parties, it was not something we did and it was not something we felt like we had missed out on or had given much thought to.
But now that we lived in the USA and here celebrating birthdays was a big thing, we celebrated a few of their birthdays, embracing the new life here and it's traditions. However, the whole birthday party thing did not resonate with us. I am not a party planner. I did plan a few birthday parties for my children but when they were old enough, they themselves said they did not want them.
Gift-giving was another tradition that did not quite align
with our family values. While our children did receive gifts when they were
younger, for birthdays and for Christmas, they understood the significance of
their blessings and the love we showered upon them throughout the year.
Yet, despite our best efforts to create a sense of normalcy
within the confines of tradition, there were moments when we could not help but
feel a twinge of guilt. Our children, due to our unconventional approach,
sometimes found themselves excluded from the birthday parties of their peers.
They missed the camaraderie and excitement that often accompanies these events.
Not too long when it was their birthday, I said, “I am sorry
if I doomed you or if you are traumatized for the rest of your lives because your mom did not bake you a cake or we didn’t cut a birthday cake and didn't sing the happy birthday song.” They reassured
me that there was no need for apologies, no need to conform to societal norms
simply for the sake of fitting in. How did they become so wise? Hmm, I wonder.
They understood that our choices were made out of love and a
desire to do what we believed was best for them. They appreciated the few
birthday parties I had planned and cherished the memories we had created
together. They knew that our family did not have to adhere to the same
traditions as everyone else.
In our household, birthdays are celebrated in our own unique
way. We may not have elaborate parties or follow the traditional rituals of
cake cutting, but we find joy in simple moments spent together. We indulge in a
cake or ice cream whenever the mood strikes us, not just on designated
occasions. Every day is special and has become our motto.
So, to all the parents out there who may be questioning
their choices in the face of societal expectations, I offer this reminder: it
is okay to forge your own path. Parenting is not one-size-fits-all, and what
works for one family may not work for another. Embrace your uniqueness,
celebrate your own traditions, and love your children fiercely, regardless of
the customs you choose to follow.
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