Rekha's Ramblings

Day 21, friendship.  One of the most complicated things about parenting is being there for your children navigating the complexities of their lives, finding friends. That is one of the things I have struggled with, I still do. My siblings were and are my best friends . However we live in three different times zones and thousands of miles away from each other. Finding other friends did not come easy; I did not fit any molds. I often felt like an outsider at social events. But  now I do have a small circle.  When it came to finding friends, I had to tell them to choose quality not quantity. There is a lot of give and take, it does not work one way. I had to tell this to myself before I was teaching them. Friendship is an investment, you must try, you must be there just like you want them to be there. It is not about keeping score.  It is  about being there, in good times and bad. All of us are still learning, it is a work in progress. So, to anyone out there who...

Day 20, safety. This year and today marks 25 th anniversary of the columbine high school shooting.  My first born was only a few days old when we saw the drama unfold on TV. My dad was visiting us at the time. That was the first time he had heard of mass school shootings.  As new parents, we were afraid, we could not see that far into the future. But we were hopeful. This is the United States of America, the number one country in the world. How can this be? It is just one time thing.   But alas! We were wrong. They kept happening. Each time they were given a name, everyone talked about them until it was the next one. Each time you held your children tight close to your heart.   Nothing has changed. This is one thing that has caused me many sleepless nights and continues to do so. My first born is twenty-five years old. We now live in the times where moms of dark-skinned boys have to a have a talk with their sons before they leave the house. My children are...

Day 8, letting go of traditions. Husband and I grew up in different parts of India and cutting cakes, birthday parties was not our tradition. We never had any birthday parties, it was not something we did and it was not something we felt like we had missed  out on or had given much thought to.  But now that we lived in the USA and here celebrating birthdays was a big thing, we celebrated a few of their birthdays, embracing the new life here and it's traditions. However, the whole birthday party thing did not resonate with us. I am not a party planner. I did plan a few birthday parties for my children but when they were old enough, they themselves said they did not want them.  Gift-giving was another tradition that did not quite align with our family values. While our children did receive gifts when they were younger, for birthdays and for Christmas, they understood the significance of their blessings and the love we showered upon them throughout the year. Yet, despite...

Day 5, the never ending dilemma of what's for dinner!!   Cooking or figuring out what is for dinner has never been my forte, I considered that my major flaw. I have never enjoyed cooking. It was always more of a chore, do it and get it over with.  Though I came from a background where cooking was almost always a woman’s job, I did not learn to cook until I moved here. Mom was always there to figure out dinners, it was not my worry. When I became a mom, it was assumed that I too would in turn love to cook because I am a woman and a mom. I hated being in the kitchen more because of this gender bias than anything else. But I was the default parent, and it was my job. Husband worked crazy hours and long shifts, so he ever making anything or even figuring out what was going to be for dinner was out of the question. In fact, I always packed lunch or dinner for him depending upon what shift he was working, I still do.  In my case, there was no escaping the kitchen. I ...

Although our family physically lived thousands of miles away from us, we were expected to follow certain societal norms when it came to parenting. Breaking free from those patterns was not easy. It called for enormous courage.  We were raised in a world of “musts" and "shoulds"; Parenting had to be done in a certain way, the way it had been done for hundreds of years.  To go away from that pattern involved too many “what ifs.” It was an act of bravery. It was not as simple as it looked.  We were no longer living in a world where we were raised. Things were different here and even here they were changing daily. When it came to raising our children, we were united, we were going to do our thing. We did not necessarily follow any pattern or traditions when it came to raising our children but the expectations of following those traditions, culture and two different religions weighed heavily on us.  I was courageous to break some of those patterns, but when it came to sel...

This year, I am celebrating 25 years of being a mom, mommy. I started looking back at the journey, sort of reflecting on how I got here. And some of the things I discovered while looking back were pleasant , some not so.  There were so many expectations of me, as a mother, from me and from others; some I met, some I could not or did not want to. There are some things I would keep the same and some I would change if I could. At the end of the day though, it was a good journey, I love my three children who have had a hand in making me a better, a more informed person if you will than I used to be.  The teachings were mutual; I may have taught them a few things, but I have learnt a great deal from them as well. Anyways, these are my ramblings spread over next 25 days, my own way of a celebrating my milestone. This is not about offering advice, rather about sharing stories, as a mom, as an immigrant first generation mom.  Disclaimer – My husband was very much a part of our ch...