Rekha's Ramblings

It’s almost back-to-college season. For some of you, this might be your first time dropping off a child. Amid the excitement and nerves, here’s a reality we can’t ignore: " ALCOHOL " -  it will likely be part of their new world—whether we like it or not. Even if we, as parents, choose not to drink and believe we’re setting a good example, there’s no guarantee our children will follow suit. Your child may not be a drinker, but peer pressure, the need to fit in, or the desire to look “cool” can sway even the most well-behaved kids. They may have grown up seeing you as their role model, but now they’re surrounded by peers—many of whom might be drinking—and it’s hard to hold the line. It is quite easy to succumb to peer pressure.  Alcohol poisoning is real, dangerous, and more common than most of us think. It can affect anyone—any age, background, or family environment. Recently, someone we know and love almost lost their life because of it. In this recent incident, the absence o...

 When my children were in school, we always went somewhere during their summer break. We would look forward to that trip all year, that getaway, spending quality time as family.  It had become our tradition.  In 2019 summer, we had planned to go to Banff national park in Canada. They said it was one of the most beautiful places on Earth. To those of you who do not know me, I live in the US now but grew up in India and my family lives in India. I used to call my mom almost daily, if not every other day. Since I lived thousands of miles away, that was the least I could do. Since we were going to Canada and the phone network might be spotty, I called her the night before to tell her about our travel plans and to not to wait for my calls for the next eight days. She did not answer the phone, instead my sister did. She said mom had fallen and broken her leg that morning and she was in tremendous pain and in the hospital. My heart sank. My mom had suffered from Rheumatoid A...

In one of my blogs posts I had posted a while back, I had referred to myself as " just a mom. "   One of my friends pointed it out and said, what do you mean by you are "just a mom?  Do you realize what all the things you have accomplished or done to raise three beautiful, kind children?  How can you say that  you are just a mom ?" Until then, I had not realized the weight of those words, the negative impact of my own words, on my own psyche, my mental health, belittling myself and reducing my worth to "just."  I was downplaying my role, always had. Not until he pointed it out, did I reflect on the fact how demeaning it was, how I had reduced the time and energy I had poured into raising my three children, the countless sleepless hours  and being available to them as a default parent to "nothing", and summed it into the 3 words, " just a mom ", and had labeled myself as a " just ". Being a mom is not the title of a job. I ...

  Day 24, siblings.  I am blessed for I have three siblings who are my best friends.  As a parent, that is what one wishes, that their children will always have a good relationship with each other, that they will have the best sibling bond.  Please read my post in case you missed it .  https://www.rekhasrambling.com/2024/03/international-day-of-happiness.html They see me talking to my siblings 3-4 times a week in three different time zones and hope that they too will be each other’s best friends.  Often, I find myself telling them that they need not look too far to find friends, they have ready-made friends at home. My siblings are one of my biggest blessings and I hope that my children too will consider each other their best friends and will always be there for each other. “ sibling relationships are strange. I would give you a kidney but you aren’t borrowing my charger.” - unknown

Day 22, mistakes .  As a parent, one of the most valuable lessons I've tried my best to teach my children is the importance of owning up to mistakes. I've always believed that no one is perfect and it’s okay to mess up. After all, we're only human, and making mistakes is how one learns. But what truly matters is what we do after we make those mistakes. Do we blame others, completely deny that we messed up or are we courageous enough to own the mistake and apologize for them. Sorry is a five-letter word but saying it takes courage, it does not come easy. But I also found myself telling them that they need not apologize for things beyond their control. Shit happens all the time. Accept that life is unpredictable and learn to adapt, change, learn. At the end of it all, it is not about pretending but rather embracing the fact that we are not perfect. " When you look back at your life, don't think about all the mistakes you have made. Just look at how far you ha...

Day 21, friendship.  One of the most complicated things about parenting is being there for your children navigating the complexities of their lives, finding friends. That is one of the things I have struggled with, I still do. My siblings were and are my best friends . However we live in three different times zones and thousands of miles away from each other. Finding other friends did not come easy; I did not fit any molds. I often felt like an outsider at social events. But  now I do have a small circle.  When it came to finding friends, I had to tell them to choose quality not quantity. There is a lot of give and take, it does not work one way. I had to tell this to myself before I was teaching them. Friendship is an investment, you must try, you must be there just like you want them to be there. It is not about keeping score.  It is  about being there, in good times and bad. All of us are still learning, it is a work in progress. So, to anyone out there who...

Day 17, legacy.  One of the greatest inheritances I have received from my father is his love for reading and I wanted to pass it along to my children.  Studies have shown that reading for as little as 6 minutes can reduce stress by 68 %. But I did not need any studies to prove those facts. Reading has always been my solace.  As a child, I always had my head buried in a book. Reading was not just a hobby, books were my sanctuary, my imaginary getaways, they took me to places beyond my imagination.  However, nobody read to me as a child. It was not something parents did when and where I lived at the time.  After I became a parent for the first time, I wanted to read to my child.  I grew up in India and the books I had read were in my native language. They were not available at our local library. But the library had its own children’s book section. I discovered all kinds of children’s books and different authors there, Dr Suess and Eric Carl being a few of the...

Day 16 - Little things.  Over the years, when the world kept throwing chaos at us, I found myself teaching the children to Learn to appreciate little things, be it the beauty of flowers, the escape in a good book, a simple walk in the neighborhood or the comfort of a familiar TV show.  Finding joy in simple and little things!! My 2 year old niece recently visited me, she had this soft toy named "Toodle" which she carried around everywhere, her little thing.  My little thing always has been reading, that is my solace. I enjoyed reading to my children when they were little, that was our thing. As they grew older, our shared moments evolved. We found a certain fascination for the TV show, “The West Wing.” Every now and then, when we are unable to decide on what to watch, we go back and watch our favorite episode, ‘the celestial navigation.' And as much as I treasure our little things, I am equally happy to see my children find their own little things that bring them happi...

Day 15, Thanksgiving and gratitude.  We do not celebrate any holidays except for Thanksgiving, and it is for one thing only, to reflect on the blessings and to express gratitude.  One must be grateful to know that we have enough, there is always someone worse than we are. And we are grateful for everything.  While our journey has had more ups than downs, we know that those "ups" did not happen by themselves. Along the way, we were supported by neighbors, colleagues, friends, and sometimes even strangers who have extended a helping hand when we needed it most. Thanksgiving gives us that opportunity to feel grateful and to acknowledge the countless individuals who have played a role in shaping our journey. And mind you, Thanksgiving is not about food (if you read my earlier post about cooking, you will know that I do not like cooking) but I do my best to put the American style food on the table.  Here is that link in case you missed it earlier.  https://www.rekh...

Day 11, ask and you shall receive.  Another one of the things I often repeated to my children was to never give up without a fight. Here I would like to quote one of my favorite TV characters, Harvey Specter; he said, "when you are backed against a wall, you break that goddamn thing down.”  Just reading these words, they might appear as a one liner but such a powerful message hidden in this one line. You just don't stand there and go down. You give it all you got, you break that wall if you need to, you ask for help but you never give up without giving your best.  As a mother of three children,  when I was pushed against the proverbial wall, I sought help from neighbors, colleagues and I have firsthand witnessed the power of asking for and then receiving that help. So, to answer the question often posed to me, do I have a favorite quote? Yes, I do. "Ask and you shall receive." It is a reminder to never underestimate the power of persistence, to never give up withou...

  Day 10, the dialogue .  Warning - Sensitive content, trigger alert.   In the era of smart phones, having communications skills has become important even if it is in the form of a simple text. I have always encouraged them to check on others. It became even more important during the pandemic when we were socially isolated .   I know several people who have died by suicide, and I have made it my mission to talk about it, if I can help save at least one life. Not too long ago, a friend of children's was going through a rough patch, she had suffered a great personal loss. I had to ask the children to check on her, invite her home, offer help, be there. They did. They later confided in me that their kindness had saved their friend’s life. They had first hand witnessed the power of communication.  I am very vocal when it comes to talking about suicide, death in general. In our culture, talking about death or dying is a taboo. My husband and I are health care pr...

Day 8, letting go of traditions. Husband and I grew up in different parts of India and cutting cakes, birthday parties was not our tradition. We never had any birthday parties, it was not something we did and it was not something we felt like we had missed  out on or had given much thought to.  But now that we lived in the USA and here celebrating birthdays was a big thing, we celebrated a few of their birthdays, embracing the new life here and it's traditions. However, the whole birthday party thing did not resonate with us. I am not a party planner. I did plan a few birthday parties for my children but when they were old enough, they themselves said they did not want them.  Gift-giving was another tradition that did not quite align with our family values. While our children did receive gifts when they were younger, for birthdays and for Christmas, they understood the significance of their blessings and the love we showered upon them throughout the year. Yet, despite...

 Day 6 , the LOOK. Every now and then, someone comes up and says to me that they admire the fact that I have broken some of the patterns or they comment on our children being polite, kind, respectful.  So, when I find myself doubting about myself, I think about all these people and their comments, and I pat myself on the back. It is a gentle reminder that despite the challenges, I did something right. It is a nice feeling to be recognized by someone. My children are my pride, joy, and happiness. When it came to household chores, I did my share plus husband’s so that he could spend more time with them, with us. His job dictates a demanding schedule, long hours, shift work, nights, weekends. So, while he did that one job which paid our bills, I did many; they went unnoticed as nobody paid me. I managed our household with an iron fist, there was no room for error.  I was never a "cool mom", but I was "gets it all done, makes it happen mom". We had a strict schedule a...

  When I became a mother for the first time, I used to work full time; and as a mother, I was torn with feelings of guilt, that I was not giving my child the time he deserved.  I could not quit my job as I was the only so-called “bread winner.”  We followed our parenting book. We played hours and hours of classical music to him, we sang nursery rhymes, we spoke to him in all three languages we know, and I read to him a lot. We did a lot of things by that book. We were classic first-time parents. Our world revolved around him, and we loved every minute of being parents. And that is where we failed.  We never took a break, never did anything just for ourselves. I had set impossibly high standards for myself, believing that being constantly available meant good parenting.  When we became parents for the second time, I was the only parent available to my children due to my husband’s demanding work hours and it took a toll on my mental and physical health. I was burn...

Now that I am focusing on rediscovering myself and writing is something I always wanted to do, I went to our local library last week to attend a writer’s support group meeting, to see if that’s something I could do. It is an informal group for anyone who wishes to write, aspiring writers of all ages and genres. It was my first time going there. So, they asked me what do I usually write about and or what do I want to write about and why. I said I usually write about whatever comes to my mind, I call them my "ramblings".   They are in a blog form and mostly about my journey, as a mom, a parent. My husband and I were old enough to be parents, but we had no external support, our families lived thousands of miles away and I often felt overwhelmed. I wished I had someone to talk to; fellow moms, someone who was going through what I was going through, the rollercoaster of emotions, the good, the bad, the ugly.   Back then, these feelings were not talked about, there was a cert...