My self care journey - Oxygen mask.

 “In the event of a sudden drop in pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from above. Secure your own mask first before assisting others.”

The first time I heard this, I was flying for the first time in my life on an international flight from Mumbai to Atlanta via London. I was so excited to go to America on my own that I did not really pay that much attention to this routine preflight announcement. Since I had flown to America, it also meant flying back, again, several times to go home. I heard the same announcement during all those trips but at that point, they were still some words, their true meaning still had not registered. 

Then came another first time of my life, this time it was flying with my first born, for the first time. By this time, I was not as excited about flying, the novelty had completely worn off. Now I am only concerned about the safety of my baby, he is sitting in my lap, one year old. Then they make the above preflight announcement, in several different languages. My anxiety levels are high, what? What did she say? Put the mask on my face first? Did I hear her right? What kind of rubbish is this? You are telling me to ignore my child and put the mask on my face first? In other words, be selfish??Ya, that is not happening. Drum roll …. Welcome to motherhood. Now I am completely transformed, I am a mother. There is no rationalization, no reasoning. My brain is that of a MOTHER only. 

I am a mother of three, the younger ones are a set of twins. Becoming a mother transformed me completely. My world revolved around their well-being, their safety, and their survival. My husband's demanding medical residency and then his demanding job meant that I practically raised them on my own. The responsibilities were overwhelming, so I let my career go and I put my own needs on the backburner. There was no time for self-care, no time for any indulgences.

 As the years passed, circumstances improved, but my mindset remained the same. I had forgotten to prioritize myself. I had forgotten to put that oxygen mask over my face first. Sure, there were a few occasions when I did go out to eat with a friend or two, but I did not enjoy those outings, I would be distracted, my mind would be at home, thinking about them. Long story short, my parental instincts told me to disagree with the above rational advice. I do not know how or what things would be different about me had I done that. I love and adore my children, I loved being there for them but now that they are gone, I do not know anything else to do. Now their absence has left a big void. I neither have the desire nor know what to do beyond being a mother. My world was once centered around them, and now, it feels like a piece of me is missing.

  But now I am slowly trying to rediscover myself, I often find myself quoting the above words to my children and my sisters. I tell them even if it means being "selfish” then so be it. I have come to understand that self-care is not selfish; it is a necessity. I am being kind to myself and taking it one step at a time. I still instinctively put my children's needs above my own, but I am learning to balance their needs with my own. I know I have raised good, responsible citizens, and I have faith that they will be just fine. It is time to accept invitations which once used to scare me and embrace new experiences.

 The reason for today’s ramblings is I offered this advice to one of my friends yesterday. When she asked me how come suddenly I had become so wise; I realized that it was a journey born from experience, it was not sudden. I had given more than 20 years of my life to come to this wisdom. I may not have done that metaphorical oxygen mask in the past, but I am determined to do so now. And through my ramblings today, I hope to inspire others, especially fellow mothers, to embark on their own journey of self-care and self-discovery. Taking care of ourselves is the first step to being able to care for others effectively. My ramblings for this Friday! Please do share in the comments if you too have such a story. I would love to hear it.