Journey as a mom driver.

Several years ago, when my parents were visiting, I took them to church for Easter Sunday mass. It was the first time I had driven since becoming a mother… for the second time around. This time, I had “twins.” They were less than two months old.

I hadn’t driven in several months. I thought I could use the break from taking care of them. The church was not too far, I would be gone for at the most an hour and a half.

Little did I know that it would be a defining moment in my journey as a mother. While at church, I just could not focus, they were at home with their father, they were safe, but that was the first time I had left them at home and gone somewhere. We ended up leaving before the final hymn.

I was in a hurry to get home, only a few minutes from home.

Sleep-deprived and anxious, I ran a red light.

That split-second decision cost me more than I can explain. By the time a police officer got there  and approached the car,I had had a complete meltdown, bawling at the side of the road, my parents trying to comfort me. I was only two minutes away from my babies.

 The police officer heard my story in between the crying, the sobbing. I do not remember the details, but all I remember is he very patiently heard, listened to my story. By this time, I was not in any shape to drive back home. He was kind and no ticket was issued.

And though there were no physical injuries, the damage was done, my confidence was completely shattered. The weight of knowing I had put my child at risk consumed me for years. I limited my driving to short distances within the city. All three of them always sat in the back seat. Even now, when I pick them up, they sit in the back—more out of habit than fear.

Years later, I had to teach them how to drive. I still don’t know where I found the courage. Sitting in the passenger seat, I would repeat the same words over and over:

“Don’t be in a hurry. Plan before you leave.”

It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I began driving long distances again—mostly out of necessity. Ironically, it was my children who encouraged me to take that step. I now drive to pick them up from their university, less than three hours away. Since then,  I’ve driven into a big city with my firstborn in the passenger seat—he’s a good driver and an excellent navigator.

   Driving to a big city by myself is still on my bucket list but now I am at an age where I must turn the volume down to see.

But here’s what I’ve learned: one moment does not define us forever. Fear can sit with us for years, but it does not have to stay in the driver’s seat.

These are my ramblings today, it happens to be a special day.

What about you? Have you experienced a life-changing moment that shook your confidence? Were you able to overcome it?

I would truly love to hear your story.

 "The best mothers are not the ones who have never struggled. They are the ones who have never given up." - Unknown (If you know the writer, please message me so I can give them the due credit) 

 Addendum : Now I gladly sit in the back and get driven around. How times have changed!!