Several years ago, when my parents were visiting, I took them to church for Easter Sunday mass. It was my first time driving after I became a mother second time around, of “twins” this time. They were less than two months old.
I had not driven for several
months at this time. I thought I could use the break from taking care of them.
The church was not too far, I would be gone for at the most an hour and a half.
Little did I know that it would
be a defining moment in my journey as a mother. While at church, I just could
not focus, they were at home with their father, they were safe, but that was
the first time I had left them at home and gone somewhere. We ended up leaving
before the final hymn.
I was in a hurry to get home,
only a few minutes from home. This sleep deprived and anxious mom ran “the red light,”
the split-second decision costing me my confidence as a mother and a driver. When
the police officer came, I had had a complete meltdown, bawling at the side of
the road, my parents trying to comfort me. I was only two minutes away from my
babies.
The police officer heard my story in between
the crying, the sobbing. I do not remember the details, but all I remember is
he very patiently heard, listened to my story. By this time, I was not in any shape
to drive back home. He was kind and no ticket was issued.
And though there
were no physical injuries, the damage was done, my confidence was completely shattered.
My five-year-old son was in the back seat on that day. I had put everyone’s
life in danger. The fear of putting my child in a harm's way consumed me for
years to come, limiting my driving to short distances within the city only and
all three of them always sitting in the back. In fact, they still sit in the
back whenever I go to pick them up, more as a habit and not because they do not
trust my driving. Years later, I had to give them driving lessons, I do not
know where I found the courage for that. But while I was sitting in the passenger
seat, I remembered telling them over and over, do not be in a hurry, plan
before you leave.
It was not until just a couple of years ago
that I started driving by myself long distance mostly out of necessity. It was
in fact they who encouraged me to take that step. It is still limited to mostly
picking them up from their university less than three hours from home. I have
driven back and forth to a big city with my first born in the passenger seat (He
is a good driver and an extremely great navigator). Driving to a big city by
myself is still on my bucket list but now I am at an age where I must turn the
volume down to see. My ramblings for today as it is their special day. What
about you? Have you had a life changing event and if yes, have you been able to
overcome it?? I would like to hear your story.
"The best mothers are not the ones who have never struggled. They are the ones who have never given up." - Unknown (If you know the writer, please message me so I can give them the due credit)
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