I used to think of myself as a very strong person, that I made decisions using my brain, not my heart, not emotional but practical and blah, blah blah …..
And now that’s what it has been reduced to, just blah, blah, blah.
I was strong and then I became a mother , and have turned into this emotional wreck and find myself doing things that I would never have done otherwise , the “awwws”, the “ muaahas” , the “love” and “kisses” and “hugs”….
Driving was not an issue then , I drove myself everywhere but then they came along and I was responsible for not just me but the three of them in the backseat and when they were little , most nights would be sleepless nights as I would be home alone taking care of them, in a constant alert mode , responsible for their safety, couldn’t take a chance to drive myself and endanger their lives and so the driving stopped, just limited to grocery shopping and short distance .
I had to go somewhere the other day, over an hour’s drive, no husband or friends and I was terrified. The younger ones were in the car, they are 12 years old now and can sit in the front seat but I don’t let them.
My daughter asked me, Mommy, why are you afraid? You are a good driver, you follow all the rules, and you never speed, and the stories you tell us about you going here and there when you were alone, back in the days, what are they, how did you do it?
My answer to that was, “I became a mother”....
that’s right, I became a “MOTHER”, taking pride in their achievements, my only possession...
I can feel my mother’s presence in the things I say and in my action. She always said, "you will realize it only when you are a mother ".
Boy, have I realized it !!! Ramblings of a mother!!!!
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