Rekha's Ramblings

 When my children were in school, we always went somewhere during their summer break. We would look forward to that trip all year, that getaway, spending quality time as family.  It had become our tradition.  In 2019 summer, we had planned to go to Banff national park in Canada. They said it was one of the most beautiful places on Earth. To those of you who do not know me, I live in the US now but grew up in India and my family lives in India. I used to call my mom almost daily, if not every other day. Since I lived thousands of miles away, that was the least I could do. Since we were going to Canada and the phone network might be spotty, I called her the night before to tell her about our travel plans and to not to wait for my calls for the next eight days. She did not answer the phone, instead my sister did. She said mom had fallen and broken her leg that morning and she was in tremendous pain and in the hospital. My heart sank. My mom had suffered from Rheumatoid A...

Recently, we had the pleasure of traveling with my sister and her family and got to spend some quality time with my nieces walking around the streets of NYC. It had been more than a decade when they had seen the photographer ;  “the crazy about pictures” side of me. In fact, they remember me breaking two cameras in 2 days when the last time all of us were together at Disney world, when they were visiting the US for the first time, and I wanted to capture every moment of it. This time it was New York city, capturing every detail. No more carrying an actual camera, those days are long gone. It is only a smart phone. My phone memory is always full whenever I return from any trip. All the cousins were discussing my obsession while we were sitting down outside the Magnolia Bakery, talking about how many pictures I take, and I realized at that point that they hardly took any pictures. My children said there was no need for them to take any pictures because they knew I had them covered....

In one of my blogs posts I had posted a while back, I had referred to myself as " just a mom. "   One of my friends pointed it out and said, what do you mean by you are "just a mom?  Do you realize what all the things you have accomplished or done to raise three beautiful, kind children?  How can you say that  you are just a mom ?" Until then, I had not realized the weight of those words, the negative impact of my own words, on my own psyche, my mental health, belittling myself and reducing my worth to "just."  I was downplaying my role, always had. Not until he pointed it out, did I reflect on the fact how demeaning it was, how I had reduced the time and energy I had poured into raising my three children, the countless sleepless hours  and being available to them as a default parent to "nothing", and summed it into the 3 words, " just a mom ", and had labeled myself as a " just ". Being a mom is not the title of a job. I ...

 Day 25- Unconditional Love. I cannot believe I have been a mom for 25 years.  In retrospect, they went by quickly. At the time, they would not grow fast enough.  At the end of it all, there were more ups than there were downs.  Sure, I lost it many times, I said harsh words, and I wanted to flee from it all but I stayed.  I couldn't hold all three of them at the same time, one child always got left out. My arms were not big and long enough. No way I was a perfect mom, I strived to be one, I felt guilty, I doubted myself.  I made mistakes, I apologized, I hugged them, I cried with them, and I stayed. I was always present.  They knew they could count on my being there, for the good, the bad and the ugly. I gave them my 100 percent.  Both my husband and I grew up in a culture where the parents always sacrificed their happiness for their children, we saw our parents do it and we did the same. The two of us never did anything for ourselves, it was alw...

  Day 24, siblings.  I am blessed for I have three siblings who are my best friends.  As a parent, that is what one wishes, that their children will always have a good relationship with each other, that they will have the best sibling bond.  Please read my post in case you missed it .  https://www.rekhasrambling.com/2024/03/international-day-of-happiness.html They see me talking to my siblings 3-4 times a week in three different time zones and hope that they too will be each other’s best friends.  Often, I find myself telling them that they need not look too far to find friends, they have ready-made friends at home. My siblings are one of my biggest blessings and I hope that my children too will consider each other their best friends and will always be there for each other. “ sibling relationships are strange. I would give you a kidney but you aren’t borrowing my charger.” - unknown

  Day 23, figuring it out.  Not all days were happy days. There were failures, there were heart breaks, FOMO’s.  The children have suffered several personal losses in recent years, loss of friends in fatal accidents, death by suicide, gun violence. They had to learn how to be there for each other, for their friends, and be resilient.  Some losses were personal. Having to lose your friend of 10 years just before he hit his sixteenth birthday, outside of your school, how does one get over that? But they had to. How do you console a friend who lost a loved one to suicide? They had to figure that one out.   They also had to figure out that when it came to friendship, no one was too busy, it was just a matter of priority. As parents, it is heartbreaking to watch them suffer but it is their journey. All we can do is offer our unconditional love and support through this. But I do find myself telling them to not ever sacrifice their happiness for others, not even f...

Day 22, mistakes .  As a parent, one of the most valuable lessons I've tried my best to teach my children is the importance of owning up to mistakes. I've always believed that no one is perfect and it’s okay to mess up. After all, we're only human, and making mistakes is how one learns. But what truly matters is what we do after we make those mistakes. Do we blame others, completely deny that we messed up or are we courageous enough to own the mistake and apologize for them. Sorry is a five-letter word but saying it takes courage, it does not come easy. But I also found myself telling them that they need not apologize for things beyond their control. Shit happens all the time. Accept that life is unpredictable and learn to adapt, change, learn. At the end of it all, it is not about pretending but rather embracing the fact that we are not perfect. " When you look back at your life, don't think about all the mistakes you have made. Just look at how far you ha...