When you are going to be a parent for the first time, you are excited, nervous, anxious; whirlwind of emotions, all at the same time; if the baby will be healthy, whether you will be good parents. There are constant self-doubts, worrying.
Then the baby arrives, he turns your world UPSIDE DOWN, in a
good way. Now, he is your WORLD. Your life revolves around him; nurturing,
nourishing this tiny human being. His safety, the sleepless nights and all the
things which come with the newborn. You are in a constant SELF DOUBT mode.
Somehow you figure it out, it is going well, you have got this.
The baby is healthy, he starts walking, talking on time and eventually starts going
to preschool but now the baby realizes that the only people he has are his parents.
Besides parents, the baby has no family, no grandparents, no
extended family. We are first generation immigrants and our families lived thousands
of miles away. Baby does not understand this and starts asking for a brother or
a sister like most of his friends at school.
And because somehow you had figured it out with the
firstborn, you feel like you can do this again. Who were we kidding??
This time, you are in for a big surprise. The baby is going
to get not one but two siblings, a brother, and a sister.
And once again your life is turned UPSIDE DOWN. This time,
there is a whole lot more on your plate than you can handle. There is no one to
help. All three babies only have a set of parents, there are no grandparents,
no village. It pushes you into an even bigger SELF DOUBT mode than you already
were. Are you nourishing and nurturing them like you did the first born , whether
you read enough books to them, did you play the right music , did you teach
them to be kind, to stand up to the Bulley, did you feed them healthy meals,
did you give them the right advice, did you console them from broken hearts,
did you give them the right tools to deal with what the world was going to
throw at them….there were constant SELF DOUBTS.
But amid all these doubts, the one thing that you were never
doubtful about was if you gave them enough time. I was the default parent, and I
gave them my time. 100 percent of it. I was looking through the wrong lens.
I was a present
parent, not just for their school-related events but for anything else they did.
Somewhere in the midst of self-doubts and them growing up, I had realized that
they were here for only a limited time. One day they were going to leave and be
their own person. I had to make sure to get them ready and soak it all in while
I could.
So, that is exactly
what I did. Soaked it all in. And I was fortunate to do that. I enjoyed being there,
I was happy as a mom. It was not the material things or the grades they got; it
was always the time spent together. True happiness came from simply being
there, soaking it all in. They were the ones who brought happiness to me. They
helped me see the world through a different lens than what I was programmed to
do, they still do.
So, those of you who are stuck in that “self-doubt” mode,
let it go. Tell yourself, you are doing your best and that is all you can do.
When it is all said and done, when your baby or babies fly the nest, you too
will realize that you were looking at it through the wrong lens.
It took me 18 years to figure out that parenthood was not
about being perfect but rather being present, showing up for them. Everything
else can wait, be there, soak it all in.
To get a better understanding , please read my blog post https://www.rekhasrambling.com/2024/03/you-and-me.html
What about you? What brings you happiness?
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Comments
I’m grateful I have had that chance and even getting a second go round as a grandparent!
Thanks for your beautiful writing