Ramblings of a daughter !

 

I very recently started listening to podcasts, I do not know why I waited this long. I was stubborn but that is not important right now. 

I finally started listening to them and I have been listening to this particular podcast, “Wiser than ME” hosted by none other than the iconic Julia Louis Dreyfus. In these podcasts, she interviews a different accomplished woman who is older than her and therefore wiser, she takes us through their journey, how they became wiser and concludes the podcast by calling her mom and they discuss the details of the podcast.

 I got hooked on to it immediately, undoubtedly for all the wisdom from all these wise women but also because of the way each podcast ended. Julia and her mom have a loving chat about the host, the things they talked about, they reminisce about her childhood amongst other things; and it was these conversations that sold this podcast to me. 

I love hearing their conversations, the mother-daughter bond, their loving relationship with each other, their presence in each other’s lives. 

I too once used to have such conversations with my mother, I too shared a beautiful bond with my mother.  She was my pillar, my umbilical cord. She passed away three years ago, and I miss her very much. 

My mother lived in India, and I live in the USA. She could not physically be there to help me when my children were little but could only be available to me on the phone, and she always was, no matter the time of day.  She grew up in a different era, she stayed home, She did not know how to use a smart phone or a tablet, so we never could do video chats.

 It was always a phone call. I do not know how and where she got all her wisdom from. She had never left the confines of our home, she had never worked in the outside world, we lived in a tiny village, she had had a basic education that was available to her at that time; but boy! was my mother wiser!! 

Somehow, she knew the importance of not just nurturing and emotional wellbeing but also the importance of a good nutrition, sleep, exercise. She was the kindest person, never turned anyone away, be it food or money. 

My mother was not a mother just to me or my siblings, but she was also a mother figure to my uncles, my cousins as I grew up in a joint family. “Be kind and always share what you have with others, doesn’t matter how little” was her mantra. Well, that was the mantra of both of my parents. 

My mother played a big role in my decision to let my career go and stay at home, her logic and reasoning being the  children were God’s gift, money would come and go but I only had one chance of doing right by them, to be there for them, mentally and physically. 

My husband had a demanding job, and he would not be available much. So, I had to be present. It was my mother who had to hear my complaints, how hard or how difficult it was to raise 3 of them by myself. Sometimes our conversations would be intense, I would be angry, tired, exhausted both emotionally and physically. But she would hear me out, my safe space to vent. She was my unconditional support, my unending well of love. 

I talked to her often, at least I thought I did, every second or third day, as much as I could, due to the time difference and whatever other things I had going on. I wish I had recorded our conversations. 

Now my children are grown and flown, and I miss talking to my mom more than ever. Every time Julia calls her mom, I wish I could dial my mom and have a heart-to-heart conversation with her. Losing a parent is extremely hard regardless of your age. 

When we were in our teens and gave her a hard time, she would always tell us, “Wait till you are a mother.” Her words did not mean much to us teenagers back then but now I know what exactly she meant. There is no rest for a parent, once you are a parent, you are a parent for your life. 

While she is physically absent , her words of wisdom echo in my ears all the time, offering me guidance and solace. Do not mind me, these are just ramblings of an emotional me, the ramblings of an emotional, grieving daughter!!!!