Rekha's Ramblings

 Day 25- Unconditional Love. I cannot believe I have been a mom for 25 years.  In retrospect, they went by quickly. At the time, they would not grow fast enough.  At the end of it all, there were more ups than there were downs.  Sure, I lost it many times, I said harsh words, and I wanted to flee from it all but I stayed.  I couldn't hold all three of them at the same time, one child always got left out. My arms were not big and long enough. No way I was a perfect mom, I strived to be one, I felt guilty, I doubted myself.  I made mistakes, I apologized, I hugged them, I cried with them, and I stayed. I was always present.  They knew they could count on my being there, for the good, the bad and the ugly. I gave them my 100 percent.  Both my husband and I grew up in a culture where the parents always sacrificed their happiness for their children, we saw our parents do it and we did the same. The two of us never did anything for ourselves, it was alw...

  Day 24, siblings.  I am blessed for I have three siblings who are my best friends.  As a parent, that is what one wishes, that their children will always have a good relationship with each other, that they will have the best sibling bond.  Please read my post in case you missed it .  https://www.rekhasrambling.com/2024/03/international-day-of-happiness.html They see me talking to my siblings 3-4 times a week in three different time zones and hope that they too will be each other’s best friends.  Often, I find myself telling them that they need not look too far to find friends, they have ready-made friends at home. My siblings are one of my biggest blessings and I hope that my children too will consider each other their best friends and will always be there for each other. “ sibling relationships are strange. I would give you a kidney but you aren’t borrowing my charger.” - unknown

  Day 23, figuring it out.  Not all days were happy days. There were failures, there were heart breaks, FOMO’s.  The children have suffered several personal losses in recent years, loss of friends in fatal accidents, death by suicide, gun violence. They had to learn how to be there for each other, for their friends, and be resilient.  Some losses were personal. Having to lose your friend of 10 years just before he hit his sixteenth birthday, outside of your school, how does one get over that? But they had to. How do you console a friend who lost a loved one to suicide? They had to figure that one out.   They also had to figure out that when it came to friendship, no one was too busy, it was just a matter of priority. As parents, it is heartbreaking to watch them suffer but it is their journey. All we can do is offer our unconditional love and support through this. But I do find myself telling them to not ever sacrifice their happiness for others, not even f...

Day 22, mistakes .  As a parent, one of the most valuable lessons I've tried my best to teach my children is the importance of owning up to mistakes. I've always believed that no one is perfect and it’s okay to mess up. After all, we're only human, and making mistakes is how one learns. But what truly matters is what we do after we make those mistakes. Do we blame others, completely deny that we messed up or are we courageous enough to own the mistake and apologize for them. Sorry is a five-letter word but saying it takes courage, it does not come easy. But I also found myself telling them that they need not apologize for things beyond their control. Shit happens all the time. Accept that life is unpredictable and learn to adapt, change, learn. At the end of it all, it is not about pretending but rather embracing the fact that we are not perfect. " When you look back at your life, don't think about all the mistakes you have made. Just look at how far you ha...

Day 21, friendship.  One of the most complicated things about parenting is being there for your children navigating the complexities of their lives, finding friends. That is one of the things I have struggled with, I still do. My siblings were and are my best friends . However we live in three different times zones and thousands of miles away from each other. Finding other friends did not come easy; I did not fit any molds. I often felt like an outsider at social events. But  now I do have a small circle.  When it came to finding friends, I had to tell them to choose quality not quantity. There is a lot of give and take, it does not work one way. I had to tell this to myself before I was teaching them. Friendship is an investment, you must try, you must be there just like you want them to be there. It is not about keeping score.  It is  about being there, in good times and bad. All of us are still learning, it is a work in progress. So, to anyone out there who...

Day 20, safety. This year and today marks 25 th anniversary of the columbine high school shooting.  My first born was only a few days old when we saw the drama unfold on TV. My dad was visiting us at the time. That was the first time he had heard of mass school shootings.  As new parents, we were afraid, we could not see that far into the future. But we were hopeful. This is the United States of America, the number one country in the world. How can this be? It is just one time thing.   But alas! We were wrong. They kept happening. Each time they were given a name, everyone talked about them until it was the next one. Each time you held your children tight close to your heart.   Nothing has changed. This is one thing that has caused me many sleepless nights and continues to do so. My first born is twenty-five years old. We now live in the times where moms of dark-skinned boys have to a have a talk with their sons before they leave the house. My children are...

Day 19 , Music  We did not grow up here in the US and wanted to make sure that the children had the opportunity to try different things we did not have access to or the resources when we were growing up.  After having decided sports were not going to be our thing, we turned towards music. All three of our children took an instant liking to the piano and they learnt a few other instruments through the school band program.  As a matter of fact, playing on the piano is their stress buster. When they are home, they spend hours playing on the piano and I never get tired of hearing them. They feel the house with music. That is one of the things we did right. It brings me enormous joy and the thing I miss the most after becoming empty nesters.   All three of my children were in school band for all four years and the younger ones have continued at their university. We couldn't be any more proud.  What about you? Are you a sports family or a music? Dear music, thank...