Just because you fit in....

 Just because you fit in doesn’t mean you are in the right place.

I read this on a friend’s wall, and it was an epiphany moment.

Wow.

 I had never looked at it this way before. For a long time, like so many others before me, I tried to fit in. I thought blending in, adjusting a little here, a little there meant belonging. And Sure, there were a few moments when I felt I had cracked that code and belonged to the group, but alas, the happiness was momentary, fleeting.

But in those moments when I thought I had succeeded, something felt off.

 I wasn’t genuinely happy. Deep inside, there was no sense of belonging, calm or contentment. I found myself wanting to leave as soon as I had arrived, constantly glancing at my watch, feeling suffocated.

It took me a long time to understand why. The problem wasn’t that I couldn’t fit in; it was that I was trying to fit in at the wrong places, at tables where I had no seat.

I stumbled upon another quote yesterday and it was another epiphany moment which led to writing this blog. The quote was, “You can come if you want and I want you to come with me, know the difference.” Reading those words, I felt like someone turned on a light in a dark room. Finally, everything was so clear.

I began to see how often I had invited myself into spaces where I wasn’t truly wanted, where my presence was tolerated rather than welcomed. I mistook their politeness for acceptance and their inclusion for belonging.

The truth hit hard but it was also liberating. Finally, I had an answer for my discontent.

The self-reflection made me realize my own insecurities, my fears of missing out.

This realization wasn’t easy to swallow.

However, something needed to be changed. I had to ask myself some hard questions, why did I want that seat so badly?

 The answer was I wanted to belong, belong to a group, feel important, heard, and seen. I wanted to add my two cents.

And now that I realized that I did not belong to the group I so desperately wanted to be a part of, I had to do something about it. I still had these needs , of wanting to belong; I still wanted to be seen and heard but I now I needed to started looking  elsewhere, I had to find another table where I had a seat, where I was  welcome, where I was not forcing my presence on anyone rather where people were actually  looking forward to spending time with me.

Frankly,

It hasn’t been easy.

There are days when there are no tables.

 The old me resurfaces, often, craving that space. But now I know better. I don’t go around asking for a place at every table.

All this time, I thought I had been following my parents’ teaching: “Ask, and you will receive.”  

I was doing it all wrong, I had interpreted it wrong; I thought it was my right to ask, I didn’t understand the difference between ‘asking’ as in finding out, seeking vs, asking, forcing myself, thinking of it as my birthright.

And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I was never wanted anywhere. I have people in my corner, but there are few. There are people who tell me, “We’ve been waiting for you; let me know when you’re free.” Those are the spaces I now cherish and look forward to.

Anyway, here is the question for you: Are you welcome at the table? What kind of vibes do you get when you’re at a table? Because deep down, you know if you’re truly welcome or not. Don’t settle for a space where you have to fight for the seat. Instead, seek out the ones that have been reserved for you.

The journey to finding those spaces might be long, even never-ending, but at least you would have tried. And it will be worth it. The moment you stop trying to fit in where you don’t belong, you’ll discover the beauty of being free, and in that discovery, you’ll find something even more valuable: peace.

I will leave you with this thought, “don’t make yourself small for anyone. Be the awkward, funny, intelligent, beautiful little weirdo that you are. Don’t hold back, weird it out.” Shared via Tiny Buddha.

 Both images obtained via Facebook .