Just because you fit in doesn’t mean you are in the right place.
I read this on a friend’s wall, and it was an epiphany
moment.
Wow.
I had never looked at
it this way before. For a long time, like so many others before me, I tried to
fit in. I thought blending in, adjusting a little here, a little there meant
belonging. And Sure, there were a few moments when I felt I had cracked that code
and belonged to the group, but alas, the happiness was momentary, fleeting.
But in those moments when I thought I had succeeded,
something felt off.
I wasn’t genuinely
happy. Deep inside, there was no sense of belonging, calm or contentment. I
found myself wanting to leave as soon as I had arrived, constantly glancing at
my watch, feeling suffocated.
It took me a long time to understand why. The problem wasn’t
that I couldn’t fit in; it was that I was trying to fit in at the wrong places,
at tables where I had no seat.
I stumbled upon another quote yesterday and it was another
epiphany moment which led to writing this blog. The quote was, “You can come
if you want and I want you to come with me, know the difference.” Reading
those words, I felt like someone turned on a light in a dark room. Finally,
everything was so clear.
I began to see how often I had invited myself into spaces
where I wasn’t truly wanted, where my presence was tolerated rather than
welcomed. I mistook their politeness for acceptance and their inclusion for
belonging.
The truth hit hard but it was also liberating. Finally, I
had an answer for my discontent.
The self-reflection made me realize my own insecurities, my
fears of missing out.
This realization wasn’t easy to swallow.
However, something needed to be changed. I had to ask myself
some hard questions, why did I want that seat so badly?
The answer was I
wanted to belong, belong to a group, feel important, heard, and seen. I wanted
to add my two cents.
And now that I realized that I did not belong to the group I
so desperately wanted to be a part of, I had to do something about it. I still
had these needs , of wanting to belong; I still wanted to be seen and heard but
I now I needed to started looking elsewhere, I had to find another table where I
had a seat, where I was welcome, where I
was not forcing my presence on anyone rather where people were actually looking forward to spending time with me.
Frankly,
It hasn’t been easy.
There are days when there are no tables.
The old me resurfaces,
often, craving that space. But now I know better. I don’t go around asking for
a place at every table.
All this time, I thought I had been following my parents’
teaching: “Ask, and you will receive.”
I was doing it all wrong, I had interpreted it wrong; I
thought it was my right to ask, I didn’t understand the difference between
‘asking’ as in finding out, seeking vs, asking, forcing myself, thinking of it
as my birthright.
And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I was never wanted
anywhere. I have people in my corner, but there are few. There are people who
tell me, “We’ve been waiting for you; let me know when you’re free.” Those are
the spaces I now cherish and look forward to.
Anyway, here is the question for you: Are you welcome at the
table? What kind of vibes do you get when you’re at a table? Because deep down,
you know if you’re truly welcome or not. Don’t settle for a space where you
have to fight for the seat. Instead, seek out the ones that have been reserved
for you.
The journey to finding those spaces might be long, even
never-ending, but at least you would have tried. And it will be worth it. The
moment you stop trying to fit in where you don’t belong, you’ll discover the
beauty of being free, and in that discovery, you’ll find something even more
valuable: peace.
I will leave you with this thought, “don’t make yourself
small for anyone. Be the awkward, funny, intelligent, beautiful little weirdo
that you are. Don’t hold back, weird it out.” Shared via Tiny Buddha.
Comments