Nothing. I did nothing today.
A couple of weeks ago, I took my camera out for a walk and was gone for
almost three hours. After I came back home and while I was looking through the
pictures, my sister called. She asked me what I’d been up to. Without thinking,
I blurted, “I did nothing today. I got nothing done. Now I have so much to do;
I’m behind on all the chores.”
After we finished talking, I went to the kitchen, the pile
of dishes was looking at me. As I started washing, my mind wandered back to the
earlier conversation with my sister. Why did I tell her I’d done nothing?
Have chores and household tasks become the only markers of my productivity? Do
they get to define who I am? Is that how I now measure my worth? Hmmm, long
pause.
The answer was yes but that’s because I had been conditioned
to think that way. Wandering without purpose, even for pleasure, felt like a
waste of time.
If photography were my profession, maybe I’d see those hours
as productive. But simply wandering, camera in hand, enjoying the little things
around me? That didn’t seem to count.
Yet, while I was out there, I was fully immersed in the fall
colors, the leaves, the crisp weather.
I felt deep, pure joy,
so simple and so fulfilling. For a while, I had forgotten about routine, about
the demands of home.
But it lasted only for a moment; it was whisked away as soon
as I got home, the sink full of dishes being a stark reminder.
And while I put the dishes away, my mind wandered a little
more, why would I deprive myself of that joy I had derived by simply wandering
around? Why did I discredit doing something for myself as “nothing?”
I realized I’d been placing more value on chores than on
what brings me inner peace and happiness. It’s time to change that
mindset—productivity doesn’t have to be measured in chores or tasks; it can
also be the peace we find in small, quiet moments.
So, here’s what I really got done that day:
I went for a walk,
got my exercise.
I took pictures of leaves to last me a lifetime,
I spent time with nature,
I smiled,
I was at peace
I forgot about the world problems, my problems.
And even connected with two other women along the way, we shared our stories.
But I didn’t
recognize any of that as an accomplishment until I sat down and thought about
it. The sink full of dishes had somehow taunted me into discrediting what I had
actually accomplished.
Why am I writing this today?
Today is "world kindness day". And kindness starts at home.
For a long time, I wasn't kind to myself. I talked about being kind to others, I taught my children to always think about others, the less fortunate ones because that is what I was taught by my parents. They were the two kindest people, always giving and putting everyone else's' needs above theirs. It took a pandemic to open my eyes. I had to learn to be kind to myself, my husband, my family first. They too deserved some of that kindness I loved to preach.
So what is the gist of this story? We need to be kind to ourselves before we can be kind to others. After all, like they say, can't pour from an empty cup, can we?
So, please do me a favor, next time you take time for yourself to “wander and wonder,” don’t discredit it by saying you did nothing. Be kind to yourself first and when you are going into that rabbit hole of "nothingness", say, “I accomplished so much today. I was kind to myself. "
My ramblings on this "World Kindness Day".
Please let me know in comments if you have been kind to yourself.
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